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Old 10-07-2005, 01:04 PM
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Capt Asparagus Capt Asparagus is offline
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Location: Matamata New Zealand.
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Default The perils of babysitting....

I thought I would share this tale of woe with you Yanks, to show that all is not sweetness and light here in NZ...

Yet another tale of woe from Stu, the fishing deprived superhero languishing in another asparagus season......

I have been volunteered (note: HAVE BEEN ) to look after my sisters family's dog Buddy, a black & white cattledog (from St Heliers {a posh suburb of Auckland, our largest city} for petes sake... A Yuppie cattledog!) for a coupla weeks, which is fine, she is a nice dog if somewhat skittish. Zero "farm sense" though.

Well, yesterday had her down the farm for her first day, and she entertained herself by chasing the 4 wheeler motorbike out to the asparagus patch and back everytime the guy went out to collect the bins of aspers, drove him nuts because she always tries to nip in and bite (or indeed, nip) the wheels, she is a real pain, but at least she is not hanging around the shed trying to get all the shed staff, customers and me throwing bloody sticks for her, by barking, dropping a stick to within 5m of the potential tosser, and then going into a classic "strong-eye dog stance.(.. those of you who have seen sheepdogs work sheep will know what I mean). Anyhow....

On one loop of the aspers patch, she managed to find a nice big cowpat (yuk, Stoopid dog), so she was a damp and sad little dog for the rest of the arvo once I saw her covered in muck. High pressure cold water hose soon had her (a) clean, and (b) freezing. Diddums. Stoopid dog.

But anyhow, that is OK, usual normal dog type dilemmas, nothing to worry about. Then today. Well, no aspers for a start, so no bike to chase herself silly with. However, Uncle Stuey got out the ride-on LAWN MOWER!!! Oooooooooooo!!! ANOTHER big noisy motor to run circles around and bark at!

Stoopid dog.

Still, no worries to me, hell, I have the ol' earmuffs on when mowing so she can bark herself sick for all I care. Doing my loops around trees etc, mow-itty mow-itty mow, no worries, then all of a sudden, YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKEEEEEEEEE yikeyikeyikeyike........ she is off, out the gate and gone. Exactly the same time the motor misses, backfires, pops, crackles and dies. What the Fffuuu......???????

So, I hop off the mower (swearing), look at the back of the engine, and bugger me if the spark plug cap is gone (you know the rubber thingie), all there is is this cable with a small bare strip of wire touching the top of the spark plug.That is why is was stuttering, there was only about 1 spark in five getting thru no doubt.

The dog was GONE. Nowhere. Splitsville, man.

So, had a quick look around for the cap, and there it is, lying on the ground about 5ft from where the motor cut out. With a beautiful set of top and bottom teeth marks along it. STOOPID DOG!!! She had decided to try to bite the motor, but picked the very worst bit to bite... she bit right thru the insulation and grounded herself out straight into the ignition system of the motor.


So, looked all day, hung around the farm for her to come back (fat bloody chance with that brainless mutt), phoned up the Sisters family to advise them that she had run off and to perhaps expect a call from a dog pound or something.

Sure enough, phone them tonight, and yes, the dog pound has indeed got the STOOPID dog. So tomorrow I have to go and liberate this stoopid mutt from the pound no doubt. Grrrrrrrr... a fine way to waste a day! Sheesh. "Fine" is probably an appropriate word to use as well I suspect. Stoopid dog.

even more fun, tomorrow I have to do another Slinks Run for Lions Club (collecting the dead calves from the dairy farms in tha area for hides/rendering down etc) as well as sorting out this dog nonsense.

Oh what a lovely time I shall have. Sighhhh...
Sorry all, I just had to vent.
Cheers all, Stu.

As a follow-up to this, indeed there was a $45 dollar fine and a trip over to the neighbouring town, 1/2 an hour away, to pick her up. Stoopid dog.
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Old 10-07-2005, 01:27 PM
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lolagoetz lolagoetz is offline
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hahahahaha! i'm sorry to laugh at your misery, stu, but i think i'd tie that stoopid dog up for a while. lmao!

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Old 10-07-2005, 02:32 PM
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hank hank is offline
Oh look... a bicycle
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Location: Riverside, CA, USA.
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Originally Posted by Lola_Goetz
hahahahaha! i'm sorry to laugh at your misery, stu, but i think i'd tie that stoopid dog up for a while. lmao!
No-no Lola, this is a stoopid dog - he'd chew the rope for sure. A chain on the other hand...

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Old 10-07-2005, 02:52 PM
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Jureal Jureal is offline
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You girls are too tough! Leave the poor mutt alone and let her rest! After all the ordeal she must have been through.
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Old 10-07-2005, 03:24 PM
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fishybuzz fishybuzz is offline
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Should have left her in the pound for a couple of days...they usually hold them for 3 to 4 days before disposal......they usually come out a little calmer.
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Old 10-07-2005, 05:12 PM
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Duke Duke is offline
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Stuupid dog is right Stu.

If the poor old bugger wasn't fixed before chances are he'll be shootin blanks from here on out.

I must tell you that my visit to NZ two years ago was one of the most memorable trips I have made. Beautiful country. BIG KINGIES, cute healthy clean women, and some of the nicest locals I have ever met. Did I mention how beautiful the women are in NZ. Accomodating as well.

Gonna have to go back if for no other reason a visit to "The White House" in Auckland and a visit to the "Wong Kock".

If you happen to run into Steve Pollock from the Pursuit tell him Hi from the Darkside.

Edited to add - The SHEEP how can I forget the SHEEP. Dimitri would have been in heaven.

Last edited by Duke; 10-07-2005 at 05:17 PM.
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Old 10-07-2005, 08:04 PM
Annieo Annieo is offline
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Sounds like a typical day with my puppy.
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Old 10-07-2005, 08:27 PM
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Capt Asparagus Capt Asparagus is offline
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Hi Duke... the Whitehouse? Naughty, NAUGHTY boy! {Flora's is easier to find. :-) }

I take it you mean Rick Pollock on Pursuit?

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Old 10-07-2005, 08:48 PM
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Fshchick Fshchick is offline
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Nice writeup Stu! Funny story................
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Old 10-07-2005, 09:32 PM
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Socalslew Socalslew is offline
I Love the Smell of Chum in the Morning!
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A couple of Valium and a cold beer should do the trick!
I mean for the dog, not you Stu!

Steve (Socalslew)
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